Failure Is Success

You know what the most relieving thing is...Failure. You know when you fail its amazing feeling that you just can not get enough of. Some people are going to give the the cliche remark about "Success is 99% Failure" and then you will have a restored sense of yourself. No, I'm telling you that Failure is a good thing when it means your best isn't good enough and it never will be. Failure gives you the chance to give up, stop trying, and belittle yourself in front of your friends. Its a great product that could be yours for only $699.95 plus shipping & handling which is an additional $599.95. (What? It's hard to ship something that isn't tangible, it doesn't stay in the box.) With Failure you will be able to fail school, drop out, and become a telemarketer for the future McDonalds businessman. And then Failure doesn't die then, you will fail at this too, and be forced out of your home and into the streets where you will get the chance in a lifetime offer to live with the androgenous hobo people. And then the Failure's side effects will kick in and you will gain a huge sense of depression, crisis, and boredom. If you are the luckiest of the bunch you may even tap into the sacred Failure side effect of suicidal. These blessed individuals will go through a special period of attempted suicides, and failure will show up every time to bestow it's powers upon the suicidal. So don't wait another second, get your Failure today.