Failure Is Success

You know what the most relieving thing is...Failure. You know when you fail its amazing feeling that you just can not get enough of. Some people are going to give the the cliche remark about "Success is 99% Failure" and then you will have a restored sense of yourself. No, I'm telling you that Failure is a good thing when it means your best isn't good enough and it never will be. Failure gives you the chance to give up, stop trying, and belittle yourself in front of your friends. Its a great product that could be yours for only $699.95 plus shipping & handling which is an additional $599.95. (What? It's hard to ship something that isn't tangible, it doesn't stay in the box.) With Failure you will be able to fail school, drop out, and become a telemarketer for the future McDonalds businessman. And then Failure doesn't die then, you will fail at this too, and be forced out of your home and into the streets where you will get the chance in a lifetime offer to live with the androgenous hobo people. And then the Failure's side effects will kick in and you will gain a huge sense of depression, crisis, and boredom. If you are the luckiest of the bunch you may even tap into the sacred Failure side effect of suicidal. These blessed individuals will go through a special period of attempted suicides, and failure will show up every time to bestow it's powers upon the suicidal. So don't wait another second, get your Failure today.

All Princes Start As Frogs

In this day and age we have several problems. In fact there hasn't been a day and age when we haven't had a problem. One of our problems is that women are finding themselves dating the wrong guys, and then bad descisions are made, and bad stuff happens, and I don't believe this part of the story deserves some good detail full with image. You can be in charge with that. I think that Superchic[k] hit it right on the head when they wrote their song "All Princes Start as Frogs."

So there is an easy way to end all of these problems. We need to take every single boy in the world and lock them up in some underground, primodial pool for them to spawn and create all the havoc they want. The frogs can coninually being frogs and wallowing in their slimy selves on sofas. Of course a sufficient amount of flies will be bred to keep the males alive.

This way women won't have to deal with the dirty, filthy, lazy men that ruin their lives. Young women won't have those wrong men to mess up their educated youth and they can live a happy childhood playing with ponies, and shopping for scrunchies and teddy bear tea parties will become a necessary ritual.

We will have specially trained men watchers, breeders, trainers, and testers to keep the man population under control and alive. As we do know that a select few men can go through countless years of training of courtship, chivalry, origami, kung-fu, and begging can make a man into a knight in shining armor, and women can partake of marrying a knight. Of course only for payment of 19.99 plus shipping and handling. Plus a Knight Permit must be given to show how to handle one of these men, as they can tend to forget their training.

Unfortunately, our man market is dropping due to the lack of interest. Who knows, maybe someday men will become extinct. I have heard rumors though of a frog uprising. Maybe this whole plan is going to fail, but that's nothing a little electrial fly trap can't fix. Better watch out.