Murder In The Hallway

Today in Dr. Bird’s high school transition session we will be talking about the most dangerous thing to your entire high school life. Population inflation. As you go through high school you will find that the number of students navigating the hall during passing time seems to exponentially increase, and yet the school building and parking lot only seem to deteriorate and decrease in size. This causes a problem in the physical routing of several students and we are faced with a problem with accidents in the halls and lots.
First of all you will have to learn that two thousand people CAN fit in one small building and they will everyday, so get used to it. There is no way we can deport half of them. A key way to navigate the hallways is to avoid the front foyer at all times. This is a hazard point as it is the main passageway for most students and the main standing area for circles and cliques. Here is the second rule of thumb, never stop. If the person in front of you starts to stop push them out of the way. It’s survival of the fittest, loser gets eaten, dog eat dog world in the halls. Some people will get hurt badly during the years at school, but don’t let you be one of them. Stopping points can include vending machines, lockers, and classrooms as they are off to the side and out of the way of traffic.
Parking lots can be just as much of a problem and also must be navigated and routed out carefully. It is important to get at school as early is possible. This means about 40 minutes before your first hour no matter when that is. When driving through the lot, do not be surprised if you find yourself all of a sudden in a drag race with people heading for the same row of cars. Secondly, since parking is perfectly horizontal be smart and make the big turn to get in there well. If you are walking through the lot be especially careful not to get run over by speeding cars and racing teachers as they get to there designated lot behind the school. Warning: you may be a target by some teachers.
The third population problem we will discuss is the lunchroom. It is highly advised to stay at school during lunch as getting to and from someplace to eat for lunch is very difficult. Lunch at school may be frustrating but it is far more practical. During lunch you must rush there as fast as possible or take your sweet time, but do not casually get there because the rush will beat you and the “cutters” will make getting through any line impossibly long. During the nice months I encourage you to take advantage of the outside and sit under a tree. Quite possibly you will be enlightened and you will start writing better advice than I can. Hope you enjoyed this session.