Dance Like a Fool

I haven't visited this in a lifetime and my writings are generations old. I need to keep up on this. I say a lot of stuff that I "need" to do. Sometimes I wonder if saying that I need to do something automatically means I won't do it.

I hope that my sudden return is welcomed. I have faded from this place and I wonder if those around me have too. Speaking of fading. I'm afraid that I have more than just faded from a writing post; I have distanced myself from my close walk with God himself. My first love. It does and kind of doesn't surprise me that He knew it would happen. He wrote it down. We would stray and I did.

Over a year since I have written....have I changed? Yes, even I can see that. My walk with God isn't as close. I know He's there and I know He's watching. I even talk to Him sometimes. I don't have that connection with Him like I used to tho. I don't listen to Him nearly as often and I don't turn to Him on a regular basis with my daily debate with life. (No reference to suicide.) I see myself not as sure of even a concrete foundation anymore.

I miss it.

I miss being close, having an answered prayer, praying to a Father who treats me like His son.

I'm writing again because I saw that one of my last posts was on resolutions. I realize that I need to set some more. I want to keep up. For those of you who may be reading, thank you. Thank you for thinking on this situation and possibly hoping that my goals are reached. If you do not speak that is ok. I will always have one reader.

A while ago, while attending a week long Christian organization I was asked what I wanted to achieve with my walk with God that week. I was general. "I want to grow closer to God." I meant that. I had no specific need I just wanted to be in a place where i physically as well as emotionally and all those other ally's FEEL God.

I want that again.

Let's pick it up people. Let's get this show moving again. Let's continue this young boy's adventure.

Earth's Staircase

Standing in my chucks.
Just standing.
My camo shorts
Bagging out at the end
My bright green tee
My hair wavering in the breezes
Clings to my face like a web across my eyes

I stare at the eucalyptus
Just staring
And search for its top.

I feel dread
Just feeling
But I wash it away
Pack my innards with thrill
The coruscating sun attempts to blind me
Like the smoke of burning bridges behind me

I’m climbing it
Just climbing
My calves are pulling
I feel their strands stretching,
Snapping the twines and
My foot falls.
But my forearms relieve me
With a circular grip scrunched around the sandy bark.

The bumps and edges cut my skin
Just cutting
And I grow calloused
But I am met with prickling needles

Jabbing in me
Just jabbing
Catching the threads
Undoing the seamstresses work.

I’m losing the pain in my legs
Just losing
It’s fading
Just fading
I lose the needles sight
Just blinding
branches fly away.
Just flying
The blue sky turns white
Just turning
I can’t breathe the heavy air.
Just dying…

i lose my hands,
my eyes,
my toungue,
my nose,
my ears
all….

I’m lost in the white,
floating,
flying,
fleeing…

Like the blast of a bomb the ridged branch slaps against my back.
The needles, the branches, the scraping bark,
It’s all around me again in a sudden burst.
The air is heavier,
The branches are heavier,
My arms are heavier.

The sight down looks like a sweet escape,
Like the secret passage of a dark mansion.

No.

Look up.
I can go one more.
Darkness, needles, sharp pains and bruises. Aching.
Just aching
All till the top.

I know
Just knowing
I can’t see it.
I can’t feel it
I can’t breathe it
I can’t hear it.

But it’s there.
It’s bright, it shines, it blinds,
It radiates and exudes all the pain.
I will see the forest tops,
I will feel the breeze,
I will touch the sky,
I will talk to the birds,
I will taste the sweetest apples.
I will win.
Just winning.

17 years of thought

So much changes. So much of me wants to take the insides and make the green. So much of me is beginning to look like elephants in the sky. I can't stay the same anymore. And my mind is starting to wander a lot. I have things under my belt, and unfortunately one of them is age. With age I grow envy, possibly green, possibly blue, possibly bright fuchia (i only wish.) I want my youth, I want those memories to be lived again, I want to return and rerun through the grass and climb the trees and laugh once again like I once did. But I contradict myself. I want to understand, I want to understand the integral of a derivatives sine, I want to understand the existentials and their lives, and I want to understand the meaning of life and its counterparts. I want to put the world into an artistic perspective that inludes the ever so cliche love and peace. I want to show others my view in a frame, a white frame, sometimes black, but never grey. I am scared of the future but I want it and am hopeful. I think on the end of my life, and I think on the beginning of my new one. I think on the serial murders and the decapitation and I think on the laughter of the friends and the wooing of the fallen one. My mind races and I try to halt it, I try to think of white and I try to lose my thoughts and I try to lay sleeping dreamless and yet I want to explore the land of imaginary, so much I want to live there. I want to be more than I seem and I want to be simple. I am no longer me am I, I am no longer who I was, my mind has changed and I am beginning to fall into it like all those around me, like I was warned with a beating stick, like i should have seen coming. God I'm grateful for wha I do have and I am grateful for the heart you put inside me, no matter the size, and God I want to become well acquainted with all and You, thank-you for life.

Can you say "resolved?"

Question!

Is it too late to talk about New Year Resolutions? It seems not much talk went around about it this year. I didn't really get challenged to do anything this year and I don't know if I had a chance to challenge anyone else either. Why this is a new year, and as a friend said to me recently we have quite a year ahead of us. We need to make it worth it and do some work for the Lord, we need to make something out of our life and glorify Him doing it. Ok so lets do some new year's resolution stuff.

First on our agenda is attendance. Say present when called. Me: present. Jesus: present..duh. Ok we're all here lets move on.

Second would be reconsideration of previous endeavors. Now I haven't saved the world or attempted to destroy it so I think I'm on good terms with the U.N. but let's not get hasty. Wait...thats not what I meant. No lets look at the previous resolutions. I can't think of but one, and that one was actually a blog post. Something about being a hero. I can't say if I was one or not. Did I even try? I think i did...hmm. This is difficult. Let's have a vote:.... Alright the tallies are in. And the results say....idk....my bff jill? Alright so I don't know if I met my resolution for last year or not. I guess I'll have to try again and we'll see. Since no other endeavor's can be reacquainted we'll have to move along.

Third on business is new new year resolutions....(is that gramatically right? do i care? jk) This year I'm attempting to keep a constant walk with God with little straying from the path, not to say the path won't be very rocky, I want to fight the rocks, grrr rocks. Secondly I want to run a lot more, because I enjoy that. So I already started my reslolution of running everyday except for sunday, for any amount of time. That lasted two days because since I don't own running shoes and the shoes I do own are flats (and would be no good running in) I run bare foot. I had my hardest and longest run the other day which caused me to bruise my achilles tendon. Ouch! So i have about a week of this year that I'm going to log as a injury so I don't get behind on my resolution and get running shoes to run in.

Fourth on our agenda: ask visitors to post comments of their resolutions so I can maybe help keep accountable or not if you don't want me too, but just so this discussion is made this year and the infamous New Year is not left out of your life.

By the way, monster energy drink is evil.

Dancing and Crumpets

Michael has signed into chat.

Michael: hello little rag doll friend, its been a while, shall we visit?

Gretchen has signed into chat.

Gretchen: michael!!! hi!

Michael: hey gretchen…

Gretchen: uh oh...
the rag doll is back.
is something wrong?

Michael: nope just revisiting senor rag doll

Gretchen: hmmmm
why is he back?

Michael: i felt like he should come out and give me some company

Gretchen: :)
i'll keep you company
but i guess i dont count

Michael: yay two friends

Gretchen: :)
oh!
and my pet dinosaur george can come over

Michael: o do you have a picture of him?
my rag doll would like to meet him
but if not
he's ok
you can treat him anyway you want
thats where he gets his name

Gretchen: ahahahaha
lolz
i will hug him.
is that ok with senor rag doll?

Michael: he would like that
he doesn't get many hugs

Gretchen: oh!
well then he shall get several hugs from me!!
does senor rag doll like flowers?

Michael: i don't know he's never received one before

Gretchen: oh dear
gives senor rag doll a bouquet of daisies
:)

Michael: he enjoys that alot, he doesn't get treated like this normally, most people think since you can treat him as you want they treat him badly, not mean, just with carelessness and disinterest, and even though he can be treated however, he still gets sad sometimes

Gretchen: ... do you relate to senor ragdoll my dear?

Michael: but he still lives on because he does have a few who love him and once and a while are kind to him, he hangs on to those people, even though the others ignorance is cruel, the only problem is that its hard to cheer him up, he stays down, although you wouldn't know it by looking at him, he's always the same always smiling, his perfect smile
i wish i was like rag doll
his life is sooo simple

Gretchen: =/
k now im a bit worried

Michael: why? you don't like my little friend?
he's very nice

Gretchen: no i love your little friend. he seems like quite the gentleman.
does he like dancing?

Michael: even though he's treated badly he's always kind to others, he doesn't know how to dance, but he would love to learn

Gretchen: can i teach hiim how to waltz sometime?

Michael: he would love that, i'll have to introduce you sometime

Gretchen: :)
mokay.
sounds like an excellent plan.
oooh we could have a picnic.
or a tea party!

Michael: he's very fond of tea parties
it brings him good memories

Gretchen: and crumpets?

Michael: and crumpets too

Gretchen: :D
with jam.

i like jam.

Michael: jam is good im sure he would love that

Gretchen: :D yaaayy
we seem to have much in common, me and senor rag doll.

Michael: yes he gets along with many people

Gretchen: :) well i figure he probably would, seeming as he has no greivances against people

Michael: well he has nothing against them no, but there are many who are unkind to them, he wishes that they would like him and once and a while show him some love, their actions are very unkind sometimes, and although they are sorry, they dont change and they often hurt him again, he's tired of hurting, in fact its made him tired in general, but not too tired to learn to dance

Gretchen: i think i would like to meet senor rag doll.
does he have a tux?

Michael: no he's very poor he can't afford clothes, but money doesn't bother him, it has little value to him actually, he enjoys people, they are what is his value

Gretchen: well thats quite the philosophy.
perhaps i should make him a little tux?

Michael: he would enjoy that

Gretchen: you cant go waltzing with out a tux, i dare say.
;)

Michael: does his dance partner have a dress?
Gretchen: ahahhaha i actually do


Michael: good you can't go dancing without at dress

Gretchen: eheheheh
i was actually thinking i might look better in a tux
xD

Michael: rag doll would like to see you in a dress, he thinks you woud be most beautiful

Gretchen: aww well tell senor rag doll that i'll have to try it on again

Michael: he would love that
Gretchen: :)
hehhe...
i think it may be the first time i dance with someone who's shorter then me

Michael: well he won't mind, size is no matter, he will find a way to enjoy the dancec no matter the difficulty, he's had much practice of enduring problems to find some happiness, however so small it is...if it is there at all

Gretchen: he sounds like a very nice man.
:)

Michael: he tries to be

Gretchen: he has great success on that endeavor. ;)

Michael: i have to eat could you take care of rag doll while im gone?
i will be back

Gretchen: oh yes i would love to take care of senor rag doll. :) enjoy your meal dearest

7 minutes later

Michael: hello again

Gretchen: well hello!
senor rag doll and i had the best conversation

Michael: o good

Gretchen: did you know he likes his crumpets with cinnamon?

Michael: mmhmm he loves cinnamon

Gretchen: :) yes he is a smart lad

Michael: very much so

Gretchen: :) he seems like such a nice fellow... why do you think people must be so cruel to him?

Michael: because as his name is named for, he is treated as people want to, fo he won't react badly to that, people feel as though they can do anything and it won't hurt, and when they do they don't care enough to change, they have grown accustomed to treating him with carelessness so that is why he is treated that way

Gretchen: well thats silly.

you can learn a lot from people's character by the way that they treat those that they dont have to treat well

Michael: yes you do, but the rag doll still cares for those people, and prays for their change, he stays by their lashing sides, hoping that one day they may change, and he may have one friend turn into a caring individual, that he may be cared for by that once lashful person, that he could have seen them change, he endures that pain, hoping there is a happy ending, o how i hope there is a happy ending too, for his sake

Gretchen: well thats big of senor rag doll. he has such a sweet constitution. and i hope for his sake that all turns out the way he hopes.

Michael: yes, times are hard right now, there is much darkness, and little hope left, but he'll survive...right little friend, o he's a little sad right now, how sad that is...his sadness

Gretchen: oh well i hope his sadness doesnt last long
will me making him some crumpets with cinnamon make him feel any better?

Michael: i do too but those people's discare have so much impact on him, it takes much
time and sleep to help, yes i think so crumpets might stop the crying at least

Gretchen: oh well senor rag doll i love you very very much and perhaps some waltzing will put you into some better spirits. but i daresay that the knowledge of my love for you will help much better then a dance. :)

Michael: o please stop crying rag doll, you see you have some kind friends, please don't be sad

Gretchen: the world has so much beauty and so much love, and even if there is quite a lot of sorrow, sometimes it helps emensly to look past that sorrow and see the happy parts :)

Michael: yes rag doll please be happy, please...

Gretchen: does senor rag doll need a tissue?
offers a tissue

Michael: rag doll?

Gretchen: ....rag doll, what's wrong?

Michael: rag doll? where are you going?

Gretchen: please come back senor rag doll? :(

Michael: ..he left, the presence of unkind people hurt him too much, and his abscence won' t be harmful
....but he liked you, you were very nice, and he wants to meet you again

Gretchen: i liked him too, i hope i can see him again

Michael: i have to go

Gretchen: oh i see... well tell senor rag doll that i hope to speak with him and dance with him in the near future

Michael: i will :) bye

Gretchen: bye

Michael has signed out of chat.

Gretchen: bye rag doll <3

I Dare You

I am sitting here at a friends house filled with people i love, people i call family, people i laugh with, people i play with, people i sit and let my emotions run with. I'm on the computer talking to people i love, people i call family, people i trust, people i can speak my entire mind to and not worry what words i use, people who love me back? These people are a big part of my life. I dare you to find these people in your lives and I dare you to look at the them, truly look at them and realize what they are doing, how they are feeling, what are they actions saying compared to their words.

My people are ignoring one another, speaking nothing that is on their minds, and keeping everything they know and feel a secret from their friends. My friends are all changing into people who are no longer open but who want to be secretive. My friends are saddening themselves beyond depression and they won't turn back till they want to.

I dare you to realize what your friends say, not just with their words but with their words AND actions, and I dare for you to be there for them, to be open to them, cry for them, laugh with them, and pray for them.

I dare you.

I can Feel Mangos

Alright so I know that feelings are given from God in order to warn us of certain things going on, but He also instructed us that these are only feelings and our feelings change very quickly from one moment to the next. So the appropriate conclusion of this would be to be aware of our feelings but to not make decisions or judgements based on these decisions because they could not always be right. Alright with that little concept out of the way then I need to identify a few differences out there. We have at least two kinds of feelings I can think of. One of those feelings is our intuition. The feeling that something is going to happen, a cat is going to give birth in your car while you are driving, or the feeling that something is going on, my friend is drinking one liter of bacon grease as fast as he can, or even feelings about other individuals, that person is saying she's fine but what she really means is that she is ready to tear a dandelion into shreds and boil the pieces. The other type of feeling I can think of currently is the emotions we go through, I'm happy, sad, distressed, ecstatic, and sullen. (And bipolar I guess.) So my question is that if the above conclusion about feelins is true then I understand what to do about intutitive feelings but what about emotional feelings. If I have intuitive feelings I need to keep those in mind and be careful and possibly look for evidence to support my intuitions but make no absolute decisions that could cause terror in the future. But what about my emotional feelings? I have sadness or distress about something and what do I do about it. Whatever is causing these feelings already should have some proof or evidence of it (othewise I am clinically bipolar or depressed) so what do I do about it. Do i then make a decision and possiby cause more fret or do I deal with my feelings and just suck it up. I'm sure God has an answer to this, I must do some searching. Pray for me?

This Has NO Meaning to It

Ok so this is a sestina I wrote for my literature class, it's a little embarrassing because it's really sappy, but alas here it is: (p.s. it's really hard to write a sestina so sorry if it's wierd, and don't try and analyze it please.)

Anitses

My first sights of you
And I didn’t yet think of us
Inside I could see you were warm
Inside the blue-green rings of your eyes
Inside your smile
I could see your dreams dance

But your heart would start to dance
All due to you
Liking my sweet smile
And you hoped for an “us”
Inside your sea-green eyes
That I might keep you warm

For you begged to once be warm
And so I saw you dance
And something I liked in your kind eyes
Made me wonder about you
Then he introduced us
You made me grow a smile

I grew to love your smile
Thinking of you made me warm
I thought for once, they’re could be an “us”
And in our dreams we had our dance
My mind couldn’t escape you
My eyes waited for your eyes

But tears brimmed our eyes
We had to leave that smile
For I could not be with you
We became scared to be warm
We were forbidden to dance
Because there was another “us”

Impossible became us
We closed our eyes
Forgetting the dance
When I think, I can’t smile
About keeping each other warm
Because I miss you

And yet my eyes will still dance
Because when I see your warm smile and you see mind
It reminds us of all the ways to say “I love you”

Ordinary Rarity Pt. 1

Gabriella. What a girl. She lived in a miniscule town, but this was an entire world to her. A world full of thieves and goblins, of princesses and warriors, of magic and enormosity, and she ruled it all. Of course as a ruler of such a vast land she lived atop the mountain so she could see all looking both ways. To the right of her castle lay a vast market and on the left of her castle lay her school but along with the school came a large piece of land where all the magic of her world dwelt.
Gabriella attended this school for many years since she was very young. Starting there she had no idea tha of what she owned. She would show up to this academia and follow the rules very precisely so as to be a good girl. During the nap times she would nap, and during the play times she would sit quietly and talk to the dinosaurs that roamed the classroom.
Every other day the keeper of the dinosaurs would show up. His name was Jacob and he was deeply admired by Gabriella. He was also short like Gabriella with long brown hair and very simple brown eyes that matched his skin tone. He knew all the dinosaurs very well their names and their likes. He also adoredGabriella for her gentleness with them. She often took one of the Brontosaurus' and gently caressed it's blue skin for ours just admiring it.
Gabriella was normally a shy girl, not wanting to make much social contact with anyone around, in fact she kept a nice space bubble around her and the other classmates, however in this instance she took up courage and spoke with the keeper. He was a little cautous talking to her, squinting his eyes in a deal of droubtfulness in the trueness that she supposedly spoke from. She made no more than small talk bout how the dinosaurs were doing and how much she liked them. Sometimes during the break times that were given to the children Jacob and Gabriella would go off together and spend time digging through the time rocks looking for treasures or flying along the air roads in the sky. Jacob was always a little cautious around her, but he never said no. He was a kind quiet gentleman who did always as Gabriella asked.
Gabriella was not a snotty young girl either though. But she did have ambition and she did have wants that she expressed. She wasn't unkind to Jacob in anyway, in fact she did what she could to stay on good terms with him. She enjoyed his prescence, but mostly enjoyed having a close friend to which she could talk to in this immense school.
Gabriella eventually learned of her other classmates by the end of her first schooling year and she became very good friends with the keeper. They stayed friends during the summer, holding a mysterious bond, for during the summer they were to never see each other. This could easily be assumed because Gabriella started her first adventure that summer and she first hand discoverd the land she lived in and the power she had obtained. Of the magica that flowed through the very mountain she lived on and the backyard of her own castle. She learned of it all in that one summer...

"Friends are born, not made..." - Henry Adams

"You're right. I'm a terrible person. Shoot me why dontcha?"

You know what I hear over and over again from just about everybody? "You're such a nice person. In fact you're too nice." I'd like to believe these people, and sometimes I actually do, but I know better than that. I know that really, through this crusyt body of mine, I'm a monster. I was sitting in a car with one of my best friends when I splattered off this quote. I like to joke around and pick on people and so does he. Something got brought up about something nice that I did and I said this. He couldn't stop laughing. It's funny to watch him laugh. He starts cringing and rolling up into a ball and his mouth becomes a colossal size and I can't help but grin back at him.

It's this same friend that I proved that I am a monster to. This morning I was being a joking guy again and I was picking on the people in my sunday school group. I went a little far though ended up saying something pretty terrible. We're a pretty sarcarstic bunch of kids in our group, and I guess I just got in that mood of sarcasm but said somthing that went a bit over the edge.

I had to sit there for the rest of the hour and watch him cringing again. This time it was for a different reason. This time I had to watch him go through torture, pain, emotioanl catastrophe, because I was a jerk. And what's worse is that I didn't exactly own up to my faults right away.

Afterwards I was worried about him because of his episode during sunday school and so I wanted to make sure he was alright and to make sure that it was me that caused him the pain. It took a lot of waiting around for him to finally get up after the session but he darted off to the bathroom. "Great," I thought to myself sarcastically. "Now he's runnning from me."

He came out eventually and I was busy catching up with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. He tried to sneak past me, but I was too quick. I grabbed him and told him to follow me.

That's when we went into the sanctuary and it was confirmed. I am a monster.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "You made me feel bad," he responded. My stomach dropped. That's where it all went down again. I had to watch him rush feelings of sorrow at me, and I WAS THE CAUSE OF IT. And that's where this saying almost comes true.

The only times I have ever even slightly felt suicidal in my life is when I know I've hurt someone. And to know that I hurt someone that I love a lot, kills me even more. Those are the times when I wished that I could just shoot myself, drink some poison, or break my arms, and it would all be better. But it won't be better. In fact, it would only make things worse. So now I sit with my own punishment, the wish for death, and torture of guilt. Sorrow. It's the life of a monster.

(P.S. I don't want a lot of responses or mailings or anything talking about how I shouldn't kill myself. Everyone should know that I would never do such a thing and I'm just expressing the way I feel to you. Please don't bug me about that.)

For those of you who pass by:

All this post will be as a special request. Could all of you just make a small special prayer right now for a friend of mine who is going through troubles. Thank you.

Died and Gone to Heaven

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!!! 'Tis been a terribly long time since my last post. My apologies to those of you out there who might happen to be still reading this and waiting for something new. I shall finally write again. The problem is...what? What do I write? I could bore with the details of my late busy life of traveling Greece and Turkey, or the amazing times I've spent with my friends at various random events, or the week I spent camping up in the lakes. But then maybe you don't wan't to hear all about that. Maybe you can't hear anything because I can't actually talk and you listen, you have to read what I'm writing. I suppose a video blog could happen, by why would anyone like me do that. I have a terribly ugly face, (I've been told it looks girly :P), and my voice has been cracking like fingers lately. O whatever shall we do then? I know, we'll forget about it all together. Let's do that. Well, as you can tell this post really has no point to it so far and thats about as far as it goes. I merely wanted the world to know that I'm still alive and I will begin writing again. See you in the next post. (In the mean time I will bless you with a youtube post of one of the interesting things I have done this summer.)

Took a Personality Test and this is what it said

Your personality type:
Quiet, reflective and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.
Careers that could fit you includes:
Writers, artists, counselors, social workers, English teachers, fine arts teachers, child care workers, clergy, missionaries, psychologists, psychiatrists, scientists, political activists, editors, education consultants, journalists, religious educators, social scientists.

Let Me Have Your Pain

This weekend I heard some really sad news about a friend and it caught my attention for the majority of the weekend. I found my mind wandering the sermon during the sermon which probably wasn’t the best thing to do. I couldn’t really help it that much though. I wish my friends wouldn’t really go through so much pain in there lives. When it hurts one person in our family it hurts a lot of people. We all kind of feel some pain. I cried about it this morning. I can’t imagine what this person might be feeling right now. Actually I can a little. I have gone through some the same things, but its up to this person if they really want to talk. Anyways I really hurt for this person and it reminded me of all the pain that a lot of my friends are feeling right now and I couldn’t believe that everybody had so much going on right now. I hate it that so many people have to suffer. I really wish I could suffer for them. I remember Paul had that reaction too. He wanted to sacrifice his eternal life for all other’s eternal life to be in heaven. It’s really amazing that he had that heart. Well I can’t say I’m sacrificing my eternal life, but maybe this one. I don’t want others to hurt. I wish I could do it for them. So that morning I tried for the first time to cause some hurt. Not many people know that though. No I didn’t cut myself. Lately though I’ve been having a problem with my stomach. I feel nauseous and woozy after eating just about anything and I regurgitate a lot of my food. So that morning I stuffed my mouth with cookies purposefully. I was hoping that I would bring it back up and go through a little pain. Its funny though. It didn’t happen that easily but it did happen. And afterwards I realized how dramatic I was being. A year ago when a closer friend left I wasn’t anything near suicidal or self-inflicting pain, actually the pain that came with the leaving kind of was enough. I guess this was different though. This was a different pain for both of us. This wasn’t the other person was just leaving. This other person was now feeling a different pain that came from hurtfulness. I pray for this person and I wish they would be better and that everything would work out. She doesn’t deserve to go through this. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. Please God let her know that she is loved and she is NOT rejected by any means at all. We all love her so much, let her hear our love for her. I know one thing though. Superchic[k] was right. Beauty comes from pain.

Ok I guess I got some feedback about this post. Anyone reading this does not have to worry. I am NOT bulimic or have an eating disorder. I did this once, and it was because I was being an emotinoal sap and really really stupid. I just wanted to explain my feelings in this post, and I thought that might help explain them. Please stop hounding me about my problems, think about hers.

Meet My Love

the porcupines have come for you!!!
the battle between the smurfs and the porcupines has lasted for centuries
but i think the tables have turned
they have finaly figured out where your fortress lies and are on there way!
This was an interesting conversation that I didn’t have online one day. My friend is dating this guy that goes to her school. She of all people was the person that we didn’t think would ever date but her we are and she has an obsession. I guess she isn’t actually dating him but its supposed to happen sometime soon. They absolutely adore each other though. Anyways, the first time we met him was a while ago when me and her family were visiting the campus and she popped up on me that there was a guy that she liked. Talk about surprised. I didn’t know what to say. Well he is a superbly tall person that surpasses my height easily. I was amazed by his height however he was the shyest person ever. He was funny actually. We would ask him question and he would just kind of answer them quickly. He was really afraid of my friends dad. I guess he was a little intimidated by meeting the dad. Well I was polite and didn’t try and make him feel too embarrassed or anything like that. A few days later though I was talking to my friend and she informed me that her new hobby was reading along right next to her and so I wrote something really funny like how I loved him and I wanted to hold him. It wasn’t anything serious just something to rattle his chain and see what he would do. It was hilarious to see that he didn’t freak out. He just kind of laughed. So I kept it up with my little joke and I never got a real response from him. To tell you the truth I haven’t really talked to him in person at all. And then one day I got his IM address and I asked to invite him. And he responded to me while I was away from my computer and actually wrote the above statement. I was rather confused. So tell me, do you know what he means?

The Youth Unite: Jen Jen

Jen Jen Jen Jen Jen Jen Jen. Has a nice ring to it huh. And not ony does it have a nice ring but it is the next contestant on "Who's that youth group girl who is actually graduated and has left us for a college right in the middle of our year?" Alright our first clue is that she's a girl. Your second clue is that she is the daughter of the Jensens and a sister of Deanna who was featured long before. Give up? It's Jen Jen. Jen Jen is a 19 year old girl in love with Christ. With today's day and age Jen Jen has been improved and now comes equipped with a Josh, (bf i think). Jen Jen spent her younger days in our youth group being an inspiration for all. She is allergic to a million and one things and takes a habit of stabbing herself with insulin before every meal. YUM!!! Jen Jen can be seen taking several vacations to a certain island called Turltle Isle where the turtles live and so does Jen. Jen now spends most her time hanging with her books staying up till the early hour of the morning and still acing all her classes. Although she runs on nothing at all and is completely crashed by the end of the school year she moves on and does more work than she can handle. She is one of the rare Molly handlers out there and probably one of the best.

Jen has a lot more to her than just small children and tall red-headed guys. She's beautiful. But that's not what I'm getting at. Jen has a HUGE heart and a passion for God. She holds her standards high for dating (although not high as they used to be) and strictly follows the Lord in every step. She is a great encouragement and a giant inspiration for anybody. She knows God's Word better than most people I know memorizing whole chapters at a time. She follows his Word carefully and takes careful consideration into every aspect of her life. She truly follows the Lord in every way and loves Him. She's encouraging to others and faithful to all and loving to anybody. She is awesome.

The Youth Unite: Hannah

Hanananananananananananah. It’s Hannah. Hannah is a Hannah of Hannah’s and irreplaceable. Hannah is an awesome friend. She has been attending our youth group for quite some time. She is also one of the many who travel long distances just to reach this wonderful family once a week. She is a nice person with a dark style, but its okay because she doesn’t actually buy all the stuff. She has attitude and she won’t let you pick on her. She fights meaner than most boys and can definitely stand her own ground. She has two ferrets of whom she is infatuated with. These little beasts are her pride and joy. Except for her lovely boyfriend as well, it would seem as though our youth group is beginning to pair up with others. Hannah is an artist as well, she has the talent of a gecko. I don’t know if geckos have talent but she is just as talented that is for sure. She also has other talents that we may think will lead her to be a demon hunter some day. Or maybe a fiddler, because man can she play. In fact she is part of the band that her whole family travels around playing at churches and other conventions and she has an awesome talent of being able to play so much and do a great job. If you didn’t know she does have a massive brother by the name of Levi who was mentioned way back, but their relationship is more mutual than anything. Ladies and Gentlemen this is Hannah.

The Youth Unite: Amy

Trombonin’ it up is our friend Amy. Amy is our musically talented friend. She has playing Trombone for a long time and has become a great scholar at it. Not only does she scholar at Trombone but she is a scholar period. She has an amazing education surpassing many. She has only been at our church for about a couple of years but we have enjoyed her presence the entire time. She became a Christian actually at our church and has been a great encouragement and enlightenment. She has so much fire for God. She has a strong relationship with God and follows His Word very carefully. Strong in her faith she lives up to it in her school as well. She is a public schooler and therefore part of the minority. And yet there is no wary or tripping in her faith, she remains strong. She brings a light mood to any event we hold and she is most enjoyable at all events. She is a prayer warrior and a great leader. Everyone give it up for Amy.

The Youth Unite: Mafoo

Mafoo. Which derives from the term Mathew, which is Mafoo's real name. Mafoo is the most eccentric character we have at youth groups. He has quite the character actually. Alas he as moved from us though. While he was with us though he blessed us with a midget type character with a exaggerated emotions and loud shrieking Scatter ball war cries. He is fast and bare footed. He moves like a mongoose and looks like a porcupine. Except he has grown his hair out now and looks more like a dog than a porcupine. This wide-eyed dwarf now lives far away but remains in our family. He couldn't do it without us. Mafoo is an accomplished claymation artist. Actually he's got WAAAAY too much time on his hands. But at least he does neat things with it. He makes neat awesome art as well. In fact you can view some of his art on YouTube, that is if you can find it. Mafoo is also a master at killing the dude. Being mostly creative he can kill the dude or defend the dude with quick precision. Mafoo is gullible beyond all extents believing every word that he hears. If you were to tell him he was a chicken yesterday, he would believe you. Mafoo can scale tall buildings, but it takes him a couple of days. He has to get all the equipment and then do lots of stuff and camping out. Eventually he makes it there. Well, I can’t really describe Mafoo in any other way, so if you want to know more just talk to him yourself. Ciao.

The Youth Unite: Jazz

Jasmine is the princess of Aladdin’s world and this Jasmine is the princess of Joe’s world. She is truly a princess as well. She comes from a fun loving family that consists of a lot of strange people. Jasmine herself though, not so strange. Very cool actually. First of all she wears Converse. What else could you actually want from a girl. Then she is very pretty. Long golden lochs of hair fill her head making her very beautiful. She is a quiet person though. She doesn’t speak up too much though, and she doesn’t participate in games too much, but she enjoys scatter ball which is all we ask of her. Don’t think she is a push over though, you anger her and she will come back at you like a chimpanzee. WACHAWOO!!! Otherwise she is a calm person keeping to herself most times. Wow, I’m really not sure what else to say about Jazz, if you have suggestions, give me a comment or two. Gracias y ciao.