Let Me Have Your Pain

This weekend I heard some really sad news about a friend and it caught my attention for the majority of the weekend. I found my mind wandering the sermon during the sermon which probably wasn’t the best thing to do. I couldn’t really help it that much though. I wish my friends wouldn’t really go through so much pain in there lives. When it hurts one person in our family it hurts a lot of people. We all kind of feel some pain. I cried about it this morning. I can’t imagine what this person might be feeling right now. Actually I can a little. I have gone through some the same things, but its up to this person if they really want to talk. Anyways I really hurt for this person and it reminded me of all the pain that a lot of my friends are feeling right now and I couldn’t believe that everybody had so much going on right now. I hate it that so many people have to suffer. I really wish I could suffer for them. I remember Paul had that reaction too. He wanted to sacrifice his eternal life for all other’s eternal life to be in heaven. It’s really amazing that he had that heart. Well I can’t say I’m sacrificing my eternal life, but maybe this one. I don’t want others to hurt. I wish I could do it for them. So that morning I tried for the first time to cause some hurt. Not many people know that though. No I didn’t cut myself. Lately though I’ve been having a problem with my stomach. I feel nauseous and woozy after eating just about anything and I regurgitate a lot of my food. So that morning I stuffed my mouth with cookies purposefully. I was hoping that I would bring it back up and go through a little pain. Its funny though. It didn’t happen that easily but it did happen. And afterwards I realized how dramatic I was being. A year ago when a closer friend left I wasn’t anything near suicidal or self-inflicting pain, actually the pain that came with the leaving kind of was enough. I guess this was different though. This was a different pain for both of us. This wasn’t the other person was just leaving. This other person was now feeling a different pain that came from hurtfulness. I pray for this person and I wish they would be better and that everything would work out. She doesn’t deserve to go through this. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. Please God let her know that she is loved and she is NOT rejected by any means at all. We all love her so much, let her hear our love for her. I know one thing though. Superchic[k] was right. Beauty comes from pain.

Ok I guess I got some feedback about this post. Anyone reading this does not have to worry. I am NOT bulimic or have an eating disorder. I did this once, and it was because I was being an emotinoal sap and really really stupid. I just wanted to explain my feelings in this post, and I thought that might help explain them. Please stop hounding me about my problems, think about hers.